THE EDDIE SEAGA INCIDENT by Peter Dean Rickards

Well, here's more evidence that JAMAICA is a hijacked ship sailing straight to HELL.

On Saturday March 20, at a funeral being held for former JLP chairman Dr. Ronald Irvine, Eddie Seaga, the leader of the JLP was forced to leave after being rudely told to vacate a seat that was allegedly reserved for the Hon. Rex Nettleford. However, not everyone is fooled by the untruthful media reports that paint Seaga as a selfish, petty snob who is more interested in "profiling" than showing respect for the deceased. Here now, in response to those media reports , is a list of reasons why Eddie Seaga should NOT have been asked to give up his seat at the funeral. I hope this clears things up a bit.

TOP REASONS WHY EDDIE SEAGA SHOULD HAVE BEEN GIVEN A FRONT SEAT AT THAT FUNERAL (NO MATTER WHAT).

- Jamaica is intolerant of other cultures. In Syria , (Seaga's ancestral country) it is a tradition to give the front seats at a funeral to the man in the village who owns the most weapons.

- The seat that Seaga was asked to vacate was being saved for the Hon.Rex Nettleford (a well-known academic and close friend of the family), but he is a "practising gay" and the bible clearly states: "...all sodomite fi bloodcloth dead!"

- The ceremony was infiltrated by PNP henchmen who posed as ushers and were heard whispering "Zekes have yuh pon' him list" to a flustered Seaga.

- The drunken widow of Dr. Irvine became spiteful because Seaga had rebuffed her overt sexual advances outside of the church where she was overheard saying : "Yow! Pretty brown man! Yuh waan mi suck yuh like how Monica ‘a suck Bill?"

- The priest at the funeral was a PNP imposter who had Seaga removed by issuing a preposterous ultimatum : " Dat deh man kill aff mi modda, mi fadda, mi two sista dem , mi dog , mi puss and mi fish . I refuse to hold mass in his presence." This was a big lie-- Seaga only killed his two sisters.

- It is only fair that Eddie be given a seat at the front of the church since he was not allowed to ride in the front of the car on the way there.

- Eddie was unfairly prejudiced by the same PNP imposter priest who rudely scolded him for answering "YES?" everytime someone said the word "LORD" or "GOD."

- It is NOT true that Seaga was asked THREE TIMES to vacate the seat. The first time he was asked to refrain from "gun signals", a second time for smoking ganja after which time he was simply asked to leave.

- Eddie was unceremoniously punished for showing grief in his own way: placing a bullet on the chest of the deceased .