"ENTREPREUNERAL CREATIVE, , HIGH-SCHOOL DROPOUT, HANDHELD LEARNER, TRANSCULTURUAL (AND TRANSGENDER) CRUSADER, COWARD, RACIST and NEW OWNER OF TIM WESTWOODS OLD WHORE."

BELOW: DRUNK AGAIN AT ANOTHER 'EVENT FOR MEDIA COCKSUCKERS', GRAHAM GOES TO GREAT LENGTHS TO EXPLAIN HOW HE INVENTED THE CD-ROM AND CAME UP WITH THE TERM 'TRANSCULTURIST' ONE NIGHT DURING A THREESOME INVOLVING HIS SMELLY, COKED-UP, GHANIAN PEASANT WIFE AND A TIM WESTWOOD LOOK-A-LIKE...

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LATER GRAHAM IS CAUGHT MASTURBATING IN THE BATHROOM TO PICTURES OF DIRTY UNDERWEAR WHICH HE HAS DOWNLOADED ONTO HIS PHOTO-IPOD. HE IS ASKED TO LEAVE AND DOES SO BUT NOT BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO CALL THE BRITISH HIGH COMMISSSION AND THE POLICE TO REPORT THE BOUNCER FOR 'SEXUAL HATE CRIMES', AND 'MESSAGE BOARD ABUSE.'

BELOW: IN 2003, (AFTER YEARS OF FAILURE IN THE UK), GRAHAM DECIDED TO PACK UP HIS FAMILY AND MOVE TO JAMAICA WHERE HE HOPED TO MAKE A LIVING BY TEACHING ANYONE (WILLING TO PAY 60 BUCKS) HOW TO TURN ON A COMPUTER AND START UP MICROSOFT WORD WITHOUT ASSISTANCE!

UNFORTUNATLY, GRAHAM WAS SOON KICKED OUT OF HIS FIRST HOST'S HOME FOR BEING SUCH A TALENTLESS PONCE AND BECAUSE HIS WIFE SMELLED. HE RELOCATED DOWN THE ROAD AND THEN DISCOVERED THAT MOST OF THE LOCAL RURAL ECONOMY WAS ACTUALLY INTERESTED IN FISHING,AND NOT (AS HE HAD HOPED), IN PAYING HIM TO TEACH THEM HOW TO VIDEO CONFERENCE WITH WEBCAMS THAT HE MADE AVAILABLE FOR RENT.

BELOW: In between posting mesages to himself on his own message board , Graham works dilligently on his book--'NO LOVE IN THE LAND OF ONE LOVE'-- an 'anal warts and all' story about how he came to Jamaica, failed miserably, and then fled the country (without paying for his room and board) when he thought blacks from Kingston were coming to chop his head off.

BELOW : Once back in the UK (and unemployed), Graham Brown-Martin gives up trying to be respected as an 'entreprenural creative' and turns instead to organizing a seminar series that teaches morons how to use their Palm Pilots. Here Graham expounds to a captive audience about how his IPAQ has been able to effectively use technology to fight homophobia.

BELOW : WHAT DOES A COWARD SOUND LIKE?