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One Saturday
morning in Cherry Garden, Uptown Trevor was getting ready
to drive down the hill to fetch the morning papers... |
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...when he saw
a legless man begging at the gate.
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"Shoo! Shoo!',
said Trevor, as the man yanked his hand back from
'Carolyn' (Uptown Trevor's moody Rottweiller), 'WE
DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!!!'
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"Please
Sah", said the beggar , "me nuh eat nuttin'
in tree days and me nuh waan rob and kill nobody...
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Beg
yuh likkle work brown man. Mek me cut yuh lawn and
bush the yard."
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'WELL
NOW...'said Trevor, in an accent just a little more
British than the British 'I do a have a little yard
work that needs to be done. What is your name?
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'Clooney
sar', said the beggar who hadn't eaten in so long
that he was now considering eating one of his remaining
limbs.
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...said
Uptown Trevor as he opened the gate, 'but don't believe
for one minute that I will pay you if this yard is not
properly mowed, weeded and swept. You may have no legs,
but that's no excuse for laziness.' |
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'Yes
Sar, mi' hear yuh sar', replied the beggar as he jumped
into a nearby flower-bed and began to remove weeds
with his teeth, 'thank yuh sar...thank yuh!"
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'Very well', said Uptown
Trevor glancing at his watch, 'I'll be back in a few
hours. If you need anything, like a drink of water or
a toilet, there is a hose at the back of the house.'
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For
the next three hours , Cloony worked hard; he mowed
the lawn with a machete ; weeded the entire yard with
his bare hands; gathered and burned the old leaves
and rid the yard of lizards by sneaking up gingerly
behind them and leaving little guns and bags of coke
for them to find and kill themselves with.
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He even gave
Carolyn a much needed kerosene bath and all without the
aid of his legs that he had already sold to Tastee Patty
Inc.. |
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After
six hours Cloony lay on his back. Although he was exhausted,
the yard looked impecable. |
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'Indeed',
he thought, as he looked around at the fruits of his labour,
'not even bumbocloth Jesus Christ could have done a better
job!' |
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Several
hours later, Uptown Trevor's Mercedes finally arrived
at the gate and Cloony dragged himself towards it as
Trevor impatiently bleeted his horn for 20 minutes instead
of getting out and opening the gate himself. |
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'Coming
sar, coming', said Cloony as he threw open the latch,
'mi' woulda come faster sar, but mi' legs dem gone.'
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Uptown
Trevor drove up to the house and stepped out of his
car with latrine breath and an attitude that made him
seem, well...just a little arrogant.
'Cloony!', he bellowed to the hobbling lump that was
still struggling to get up the hill...
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'I'm
afraid you will have to come back tommorow since I used
all my change to buy drinks at the Pegasus and the banks
are closed today.'
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'But Sar,
yuh can't do me like that?! I haven't eaten anything in
nearly a week!' |
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Uptown Trevor
sighed.' Suppose I had not given you a job Clarence? Would
you have anything to complain about now?! If there's one
thing I cannot stand in this country , it is the escalating
belief among poor-people with no legs that the world OWES
THEM SOMETHING!
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'Well',
he continued, "let me tell you something , if this
country is ever going to progress, we will ALL have to
make sacrifices. But, my dear man, if THAT is going to
happen people like YOU are going to need a lot more:
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DISCIPLINE!
PERSONAL PRIDE!!
RESPECT FOR AUTHORITY!!
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You see Clive
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Cloony sar... |
You see Cloony...
GREED and the inability of
people like YOURSELF to see past their own noses has brought
this country to its knees. Sure I could pay you now if I went
inside and asked my big-haired wife for a little extra money.
But then, how would you learn anything about
'CUSTOMER SERVICE'
and
'BUSINESS CONTACTS'
and
'PATIENCE?'
No, my dear Clovis, I will
not allow Jamaica to slip deeper into the abyss.
We have come too far to allow
SELFISHNESS and UNPROFESSIONAL BEHAVIOR to subsume what is
left of this great country's MORAL FABRIC.
SO...
Why don't you come back tommorow,
and I'll happily reward you with 3 U.S dollars.
Cloony looked up at Trevor.
And the sun went down.
And when it rose again...there
was a headline.
...the end
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